i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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