a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You're so nebulous sometimes
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
