I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
