so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
