Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
