Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
