We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
