White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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