I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
