I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
