i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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