My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize