we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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