He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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