I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
