Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
