did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
