i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She told me I should be a condom model.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize