I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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