remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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