I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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