I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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