I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
