I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
