Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
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