What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
