I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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