someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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