the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
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