I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
If I die, sorry about rent.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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