i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
