I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
In other news, I just burned my penis
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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