You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
