Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize