mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
