she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
