The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Randomize
