I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I wear drunk well.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
