Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
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