If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize