He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
