I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
