I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
lets start a swedish sibling band together
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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