he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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