We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
