dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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