Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
