Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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