I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
