ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
