I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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