So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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