Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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