i barfeds in our rink
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Randomize
