i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
