wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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