There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize