Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
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