Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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