those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize