well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
