so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
