i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
