Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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