i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
