I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I need to align my fucking chakras
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
