based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
