I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
