I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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