i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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