bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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