Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You made out with two different species that night
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
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