God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
