woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
