I hope mine doesn't look like that
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
