I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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