Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Randomize
