if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
this boner is exhausting
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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