He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
