I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I touched a dick in church today
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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