dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
is it fun? or sober?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
