btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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