No awkward lesbian experiences without me
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
