you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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