put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Actions speak louder than pants.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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