We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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