The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
