She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
