I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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