If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
