There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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