nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
