this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
