Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
