you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
