By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
