"it" just moved
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
