Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
