my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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