you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
