The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
