you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
