he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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