her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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