bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
