I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
