She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
