Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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