you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
