She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
