Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize