Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
there is puke in my bra ... again
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