The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
